


Split me apart

by airwad



Category: Original Work
Genre: Family Feels, Friendship, Gay, Gay Stuff, Homophobia, Lesbian, Sad, Teen Angst, i don't know what to tag, i guess?, i mention troye sivan, lesbian activity, queer, that tag made me laugh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airwad/pseuds/airwad
Summary: There’s a lot of shit that you have to deal with in life. It’s just the way it is. Sometimes you want to punch the shit out of everyone you know. Sometimes you want to punch the shit out of yourself.





	1. Chapter 1

You can’t pick and choose the parts of people you get to love. You either love them or you don’t. You don’t get to do that because it forces the other person to abandon parts of themselves for you and that’s not fair to anyone. It’s not.  
You really broke my heart.  
I love you still. So much.  
I won’t split you into parts. 

~

There’s a lot of shit that you have to deal with in life. It’s just the way it is. Sometimes you want to punch the shit out of everyone you know. Sometimes you want to punch the shit out of yourself. 

I tend to alternate between the two on a daily basis. 

Mostly because why the fuck do I deal with some of the shit I deal with? If I was god, I would be like ‘this girl deserves a good beating for not being able to stand the fuck up for herself’. But that’s whatever. 

It’s life. 

It’s pretty shit. 

~

I had a whole summer where I used to think god loved me and my parents were good people and everyone was just great and dandy and that I would grow up and frolic in a field with my psychology degree. 

I was so fucking excited for the future. 

That went down the drain real fucking fast. 

Let me break it down for you.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s new years, and I’m in the basement of my best friend’s house. My so-called best friend. We’re drinking champagne from her mom’s cupboard out of plastic red cups from the last birthday party she had, and cards are laid out in front of us like we’re actually playing instead of laughing so hard we choke on fancy bubbly alcohol. 

I’m thinking this may be the best new years I’ve ever had.

And then she opens her mouth. 

“You heard of Troye Sivan?” 

I’m nodding before she finishes, because yeah? Who doesn’t? 

“You know he’s gay?”

Again, nod. 

I knew before he even opened his mouth. Actual twink material. Nothing new. 

“So weird, right?”

That’s when the nodding stops. “What?”

The rest of the night is kind of like a nightmare. Because, hello? 21st century’s calling, and my supposed best friend is NOT answering that call. She’s living way back when witches were hung and I don’t know, some other weird shit was going down. Because the next thing she says is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard her say. 

“It’s kind of unnatural, don’t you think?”

“What?” 

what

“It’s like….not natural.” She puts down her cup and tilts her head at me. “Like boy on boy sex is kind of weird.” 

Okay. 

“Okay?” 

Looking back, there are so many things I could have said. So many things I should have said. But all I could think about was that my heart was pounding, and I didn’t know if I was angry or if I was ready to start crying. Instead, I laugh and shake my head. “I have no idea what you mean, man. But let’s finish this game.” 

She shrugs like she didn’t just take my world apart brick by brick and then spit on the pieces. We finish the game and I tap out before the clock hits midnight. 

~

That night, in my bed, I stare at my ceiling and count all the way from 1 to 1000. I don’t sleep for hours. 

~

I could name a hundred reasons for why what she said bothered me so much. 

Let me list some of them.  
1\. Because we are young people in the 21st century and what the actual fuck?  
2\. Because there’s nothing wrong with being gay?  
etc. etc. 

But the biggest blaring reason, the one that if I listed all of them would be circled a hundred times and highlighted in three different colours, is that the night before our fun little new years party, I had a dream where we kissed when the clock struck 12. Our pretty little girl lips kissed and I was so happy when I woke up I couldn’t stop smiling. 

What a stupid dream.

~

Life goes on, right? 

We kind of drifted apart after that. I don’t think she understood what had happened. I still kind of don’t. I don’t like to think about it. 

It’s one thing to find out your best friend is a homophobe. It’s another when you’re already a pretty blaring homo. 

But whatever.

**Author's Note:**

> So like, the Troye Sivan comment is something that actually happened to me. Like in real life, on new years, someone told me it was unnatural he was gay. i was ready to throw hands.


End file.
